This page helps you to see whether what I have to offer resonates with you, and perhaps opens your mind to the possibility of a life free from the pain of the past. 

We have a suspicion that what happened to us as children might be responsible for our sleepless nights, our driving need to keep busy, to overachieve, to be perfect, for the difficulty we have in feeling any real joy in our lives But what’s the point of talking about it, it happened a long time ago, nothing can change what happened, talking about it would cause such pain to other members of our family. We do what we have always done, we stay silent, what choice do we have?

The problem is that, suddenly, we can’t stop thinking about it. We aren’t sure what caused it, but suddenly the seal that has been holding down the lid on our tightly closed pressure cooker of emotions, breaks. We can no longer contain the pain, we can’t reseal the lid. We are exhausted from years of being strong, we have taken care of everyone else for years, but now we find ourselves intensely irritated by those around us, tired of constantly keeping the peace, of saying yes when we want to scream NO!

We begin to realise that we are lonely, our fierce need for independence has left us isolated, not trusting anyone enough to share what is really going on inside us. We feel detached from the present moment, dissociated from reality, going through the motions of life, numb and alone, knowing we aren’t where we are supposed to be.

Repressed memories start to pop into our heads unexpectedly and without invitation. We stay busy, knowing that if we don’t stop, we may be able to keep things under control, keep up our pretence, hoping we may not completely unravel.  

How do I know this? Because this is my story. I have been where you are now, I know what it takes to heal from the effects of childhood sexual abuse and incest. For almost a decade and a half I was sexually, emotionally, and psychologically abused by my tyrannical stepfather.

Almost 20 years after the abuse ended, exhausted from the years of constantly trying to prove myself, of keeping everyone happy, of being ‘a good girl’, staying silent, afraid to rock the boat and speak my truth, I found myself staring at my reflection. In that moment I realised that I was tired of just surviving, of feeling empty, flat, anxious, strangely detached from life, tired of just going through the motions, never stopping, working ceaselessly, wondering whether there would ever be more to life than this, and in the dark lonely hours doubting whether I would ever be free of ‘it’.

For me the journey from self-destruction to surviving, and now to vibrantly thriving, has been a rollercoaster. Healing takes time, courage, determination, and a willingness to invest in yourself. Taking that first step is the hardest, especially when you don’t even know what is wrong exactly, just that something definitely is. Many of us are reluctant to go anywhere near that lifelong, painful, ever-present wound, fearful that our carefully constructed and controlled lives will fall apart around us if we dare to disturb it.

Opening up and trusting a therapist can be tough when, as children, we were betrayed by the adults that were supposed to protect us. We need to feel safe and heard as we work through our individual issues, at our own pace, knowing we are supported by a skilled therapist that can sensitively and efficiently help us to release the trauma trapped in our body and our subconscious mind. Someone who understands where we have been, who listens without judgement, someone that can be a beacon of light for us and what is possible, believing in us until we believe in ourselves.

We need to learn to approach what happened to us with compassionate curiosity, non-judgmentally acknowledging all we had to do to survive. We need our heroic, resilient, brave inner child to know that what happened to her wasn’t her fault, not ever, regardless of whatever she has been told since. We need to learn how to love ourselves so that we can live the limitless life of joy, freedom, peace, and fulfilment that is ours if only we dare to take it. Read more about me and the help I can provide, by clicking here.