It was my birthday last week. I celebrated, I laughed, I danced, I shed a few tears, and I wore my unicorn headgear, but most of all, I FELT!
When we have lived through childhood abuse, sexual, emotional or physical, we learn how to block out our feelings. We detach from our bodies, the place within us where those painful feelings were felt and experienced.
As time goes on, we withdraw further into our minds and heads, in an attempt to stay safe This is not a conscious decision that we make, most of us have no idea this shift has even taken place.
This freeze reaction is an automatic, primitive survival response, when we know we can’t escape what’s happening, and fighting is futile, we freeze and dissociate, escaping the situation in the only way left available to us, we leave our body.
As we aren’t aware that we have disconnected we don’t know that we need to come back.
We move through life appearing to be a fully engaged participant but to us, we feel as if life is happening outside of us, we feel as if we have a glass bowl on our head, keeping us separate.
On the inside, we feel completely detached, numb, like a spectator standing on the side-lines of our life. We get good at pretending to be present I know this, I lived like this for decades. It was exhausting, bewildering, and lonely.
This habit of not feeling, not letting anything or anyone in, by living in our heads can stay with us throughout our lives. It stays until we begin to open up to the possibility that the problems we are having in our intimate relationships, the deep sadness we feel at never experiencing joy, the restlessness and drive to be constantly busy and on the move, the sense of living our life by just going through the motions, might have something to do with what happened to us as children.
As we embark on our journey home to ourselves, and our long-repressed feelings begin to surface, we can be met with criticism and judgement from those around us, especially those we are looking to for support.
They don’t know what to do with this new unfathomable version of us, we are unpredictable and difficult, we don’t automatically do as we are told anymore. We have messy outbursts of emotion, anger, frustration, sadness, terror and those around us, feeling helpless and impotent to help, withdraw at the very time we need them most. It is at this point we really need support.
We need the strength that can only be gained from a community of women who have been through similar experiences to us. Women who are also ready to put the past decisively and permanently back where it belongs, and discover how magnificent life can be when we are able to live fully in the present.
Healing our trauma begins by learning to reconnect to our body, finding the courage to feel again and by sharing our experiences with women who get us, where we feel understood, where we can know that we are not the only one that feels like we do. If these words have resonated with you get in touch and let’s chat. You don’t have to do this on your own beautiful lady.
Here is the link to book your call with me: CLICK HERE
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